You witness a boy asking a girl out on a date. It’s awkward. Narrate it as if it is a
nature documentary.

Nina Kurochka

Sound of the heartbeat, short fast inhaling and exhaling. Widen eyes, all nerves around the body are tight and ready for action. Hearing, vision are on the top of the possible sensativity. Have you ever participated in nationwide or international contests? Or have you ran a marathon? Neither did I, but I bet the people who did, would understand the feelings of this homosapien looking at the girl in the corner of the room.

People. Homosapiens. Humans. The most advanced and developed creatures discovered. But look as this example: male, approximately 17-13 years old, standard formation, nothing special. Why is he so nervous? – Because there is a good female on the horizon.

Usually, during last winter days and first spring ones human species are in a bigger need of another human, than in any other time of the year. And today is the middle of February –  time when males start to look and compete for females. He is looking around to check is the are clean and safe to walk. All good, there are other homosapiens around, but they are doing there own things. He makes a step, trying to look brave and sexy. To be honest he is not very good at this, so it looks more like a pirate with a wooden leg. Well, he is reaching the target. 15 seconds to destination, 10, 5,4,3,2,1. He is there. The female is reading a book. She looks up from the book and has a ‘question mark’ on her face expression. What is the male doing. He is standing straight, with half of his mouth smiling because of the nerve endings not working properly.

-Eeeeem, hmmm, hghhh, said the male.

*question mark on the girl’s face*

-Do you know what rhymes with cucumber? asks the male.

-Hmmmm, nope, what? – female

-Your number, hahashgshaha. – very gladly answers the male.

Female does not look impressed. She rolls her eyes – the human sign of boringness. Male is confused. He licks his lip – dehydration, squeezes his hand – stressing out. Inside of his brain thousands of brain cells are running around activating off the parts of it in order to find the solution. Blood is pumping, adrenaline and glucose levels went up you see the little drops of sweat over his lips. THe situation is close to failure. If this female rejects him, he will most likely be alone for the rest of the winter and spring. Elephants communicated by making ritmic loud steps on the ground. Females usually by texting with each other. The information that this homosapien is a looser will be known in less than 5 minutes after he walks away. He doesn’t want to let this happen.

Another attempt to catch her interest.

-Hey, my name is *some homosapien’s name* I think your eyes are so pretty. I feel like like I’m falling in them. Now his strategy is using compliments. Compliments are the sentences that are nice to you to hear. Females love compliments, they stimulate females laugh and blush – a good sign.

-Oh, thanks. But my eyes are brown. Do you know what are you falling in?

Bang, error. Sarcastic answer. Not a good sign, not at all. This male doesn’t have a lot of experience, so it is easy to understand his actions. He is stressed. When humans use sarcasm they want either to show their superiority over others or disrespect. Or both.

-Yes, I know. The chocolate ice cream is brown. I love ice cream, do you?

He is trying to solve the problem, sounds good. What will be the female’s respond?

-I am allergic to dairy, sorry. I have to go.

Wow, didn’t see that coming. He failed. He will be lonely for the rest of the season. Or he can try to find another female and not repeat his own mistakes. Blood pressure is still high. He is still sweating. Brain cells are panicking. He sees another male coming to that girl.

-Hey, you look very beautiful today. Do you want to go get a cup of tea/coffee?

-Yes, sure. – She answers.

And that is all I had to do? Yes, that is all. Despite the fact that homosapiens are the most developed species, the approach to them is easier than you could imagine. From now on, this male knows the life, he is smarter and never be lonely again.

 

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