What does a caged bird think about all day?

Well, that’s a hard one. I guess it depends on the bird. If it were a mocking bird, per say, and was locked in a tiny, tiny iron cage, all it would think about is food. Because of its hypermetabolism it needs a lot of supplements and if deprived would die a painful death in a rather short period of time. If the bird were an eagle I think it’s wonder how to escape. For the eagle is the leader, a beacon of courage and strength. His job in the bird world is to set an example. And what kind of ruler would it be if it couldn’t escape a simple cage? Even birds need their heroes of martyrdom and they sing songs about them and write poetry and stuff. The eagle, you see, would very much like to get in on that. Plus, the lady birds. They’ll stick to him like flies to a lamp if he were to escape imprisonment.

If the bird were a raven, thought, I believe it’d not only remain idle in it’s cage, it would actually enjoy it immensely. Ravens have come across to me as the kind of bird that enjoys pain. I think they’re masochistis.. So it would enjoy starvation and probably even enter nirvana by the last few days of its life.

Next up- the swan. Swans are like the hot babes of Birdania (the country of the birds). And what is a hot babe’s main weapon? Their hotness, exactly. So, the swan, evidently, will turn into a prostitute swan and offer its captors sexual services to try and avoid its terrible fate. The captors, though, will most probably be humans or aliens as those area the only two species that can adequately use a cage, and they won’ t really be interested. So, the swan is cooked.

Finally, here comes a bird that actually has a chance of escaping, because it is humongous. The ostrich. Unfortunately, the questions regards what would a bird thik about, not how would it escape. The previous examples, I believe, had the brains to figure out they don’t really like being in a cage. The ostrich, though, not so much. The giant bird would be scared as hell and would almost immediately try its best hiding technique. That is, its going to start trying to bury its head under the ground. And that would be all fine, if the cage didn’t have a bottom.. In my case, unfortunately, it does. So the ostrich will keep banging its head in the floor, not realizing it will achieve to nothing, and would sooner, rather than later, suffer a massive concussion that would eventually lead to it untimely death.

So, all in all, I have just one advice for birds in captivity, don’t try to come up with a plan to escape, it won’t work, just try to remember your loved ones.

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